Have you experienced the pure joy and elation that comes when you accomplish a big scary dream?
Are you still overjoyed when your triumph makes others uncomfortable and they attack you?
Not so fun anymore, is it?
Sadly that’s the world we live in and you have to learn to not let the egos of others hold you back from doing what you were put on this earth to do! You’re not here to play small.
Don’t make the mistakes I did.
Tune in to find out what I did and DIDN’T do.
Share this episode on social and let’s get social on Instagram and Facebook!
Read the full transcript:
[showhide type=”post” more_text=”Show more…” less_text=”Show less…”]Welcome back to the marvelous mompreneur podcast it’s your host Kirsten Tyrrel thanks for being here thanks for listening to the show hopefully you’re getting lots and lots of value out of it if you are share it screenshot share your favorite part share your favorite clip tag me on insta so that i can see that you’re sharing it and tell me what you’re loving and what you want more of we recently rebranded to the marvelous mompreneur podcast from being marvelous mom’s club and then marvelous and now it’s marvelous mompreneur where i’m going to bring you amazing jam-packed valuable episodes full of action steps and tips and tricks and mindset hacks that’ll help you become the best mompreneur that you can be so today we’re discussing something that is based on an aha moment that i had while washing dishes and i have a lot of aha moments while i’m washing dishes i don’t know about you guys i think it’s just the mindless activity that’s where a lot of creativity comes in when i’m like doing my hair putting my makeup on taking a shower things that i’m not looking at my phone i’m not looking at a screen but i’m just my hands are busy and so my brain can kind of go into a totally different zone of creativity so i was sitting there and i was thinking about how in the past i really prided myself and it’s a long you know your train of thought there’s a long road getting there i’m not going to go into the whole backstory but what kind of came up for me was i started to realize that i had played very careful and very small for so much of my journey as a new entrepreneur and i remember like when i first started the podcast i was reaching out to these amazing women and thinking oh my gosh there’s no way they’re going to say yes to me i’m a nobody i’m i’m you know brand new but it was actually the fact that i was brand new and i was on a different platform than they were that made it super non-threatening and so i started to pride myself on that and we had conversations about that or was like hey if you were just a blogger and you were trying to do a guest post on another blog they’d probably be a little bit like like i don’t know you i’m not going to like share my people with you but i was on a totally different platform nobody was really podcasting back then it was the first time a lot of those people had ever been asked to be on a podcast and it was really flattering and it was really a great opportunity for them to share their story and the behind the scenes kind of stuff and so i realized that that was like a great in you know like this is a great way to kind of build up my audience and that’s not why i started doing it i really wanted to bring the valuable stories but i was like this is this is how networking works i share this episode they share it with their audience they bring people over here who want more of that kind of content it’s amazing it’s marketing it’s really what it is it’s just marketing and so uh then down the line i participated in other types of businesses and endeavors where again it was the if i can just and i wasn’t doing this consciously that’s what i want to make clear i’m just realizing it now that this was a habit this was something that i continued to do because it was safe and i it was familiar and i knew how to work that i knew how to be that way i knew how to like take on that identity so with a lot of the businesses that i did i was like i’m not like an influencer like i’m not a big influencer i don’t have a huge following and it actually kept my social media followings small and i i really truly believe i liked it that way because i felt like if i became big if i got more than 10 000 followers if i really really grew then i could no longer be this non-threatening i’m not really trying i’m not really like trying to do this gung-ho right even though all my messaging was like i’m a business owner and i want to make a million dollars there was still on like the back end the side of me that was playing so so safe so safe right like i can’t fully claim that i’m this boss babe that i’m this business owner because i’m still new guys like i’m just i’m just creeping in here and taking my safe steps and i’m just testing the water i’m not like ready to swim i’m not ready to really go all in but i was totally all in in my own world right but i was playing really really safe i did it again while selling beauty products i’m not like a beauty blogger you guys i’m just an everyday mom like i’m not threatening i’m not trying to sell you stuff i’m just your friend right but then i took on this identity which i actually was very conscious of this and i tried to change this but i got really tired of hearing myself say things like oh i’m not like an expert at this i actually really don’t know what i’m doing i’m really not even good at this like i was trying to be non-threatening to the people that i was selling to and in turn i was branding myself as somebody who wasn’t like not confident in what i was doing does that make sense i know you guys can’t answer me but are you doing this are you doing this without realizing it you don’t want to seem like you’re threatening you don’t want to be salesy so you’re just kind of holding back and you’re playing in that safe zone so here’s the aha moment as i realized what i’ve really been trying to psychoanalyze the last like two years of my business because i started doing really huge things i did the glow event here in nashville in march of 2019 and that was huge that was a really big feat i still look back and i’m like i can’t believe we did that i can’t believe how lucky we were to have done that pre-covered you know just a year later and that would have been a very different story but to bring together rachel hollis nicole walters and nearly a thousand entrepreneurs to a conference for my very first one ever like at the time i just thought this was standard this is just what you do right and then nicole even said to me this is not typical people do not typically do this for their first event even nicole’s only had i think she only planned for 250 people so to plan for that large of a scale at such a huge venue was a big deal but ben and i have always kind of been big dreamers we go all the way if we’re gonna do something we’re gonna do it really really well and so i was really at that point completely stepping into my power of like yeah i’m a business owner i’m a really really strong smart business owner i have learned a lot i’ve been in this game for a few years now i know what i’m doing and it seems like as soon as i really stepped into that place of ownership of like i am ready to be the ceo of my business i am ready to because previously i had hired people for my business to support me i had hired business coaches and i was just kind of doing it because that’s what you’re supposed to do right like that’s what they say but i really didn’t understand how to step up and be the one in charge and how to really manage um employees and and a lot of times ben was saying they’re looking to you to provide the answers and i was like i’m so used to just playing as you know a person doing their job versus really stepping up and being the ceo of this so that change that started to really shift and i started to step into that and then a lot of things just fell apart because apparently when you play small you’re you’re not threatening you’re really really safe like people aren’t gonna really look twice they’re gonna be like oh yeah that’s nice that’s cute but then as soon as you really step into that that power and you really step into your genius zone i i hate to be the one to tell you this but it brings a lot of attention to you and it starts to get a lot more focused brought into what you’re doing you start getting a lot of nitpicking and what i’ve noticed is that when people see the something that you’re doing that makes them uncomfortable when it’s big when it’s exciting it makes them inevitably look at what they’re doing and think that there’s some kind of measuring stick of saying oh well i didn’t do that and i don’t work that way and i don’t run my business that way so that means that what she’s doing is wrong i’m uncomfortable with her being so comfortable with herself one of my really good friends actually said to me once you’re incredibly intimidating because you’re so comfortable in your skin and i was like well that’s dumb like my being comfortable in my skin should not have anything to do with how you feel about yourself it should have nothing to do with you being intimidated but why are we doing that as women i don’t think this is a man thing maybe it is i guess it totally could be i’m not a man i don’t know how to ask a man but that was i realized after that point of really realizing that i couldn’t live in that bubble anymore of everybody likes me and everybody’s comfortable with me being good at what i do everything i started to do from then on was being very very safe and very deliberately trying to go back into that shell i was trying to revert back into when it was safe when there weren’t any eyes on me when there was no one criticizing things that i was doing when there was not like a micromanagement of the way that i did business and in turn in so doing in going backwards and reverting it completely killed all of that momentum to where now there came a point like a few months ago where i looked at i shared it on social media a clip from the glow event on stage and i had gone through the whole presentation and you guys to be honest i had never once the whole thing was recorded i have it all on a hard drive and i had never one single time watched back any of the event because in my head it was such like a such a form of stress such a source of stress it was like the hardest thing i’d ever done and it was just a a really really painful uncomfortable thing not doing it not actually putting the presentation on but i started to make up stories about it and i associated a lot of negativity with it after the fact and so i had made up this whole version of the truth about that event and started to make it smaller in my head and i actually really forgot about who i was at that time because i had just slowly gone into this like shrinking stage it’s like you know those little washcloth things you put them in water and they expand but they start as a tiny little cube i was going backwards i was going from the washcloth back into the little cube thing and so i watched this video clip i watched the whole presentation and i just i was like shocked and you can ask some of my very closest friends i texted them and i was like why why didn’t i know why didn’t i know that i didn’t recognize that person was completely in alignment and in her genius zone i was exactly where i was supposed to be and i was in fully in my purpose i was doing the things i was most passionate about that was me and i it’s sad to me now that i don’t recognize that girl because i’ve become such a safe player i’ve tried to go back to being the newbie the beginner i chose to believe the lie that i’m just starting over i’m just starting from the beginning when in reality i’m 10 times more advanced than i was even that day on stage there are so many things that i have learned there are so many accomplishments that i have done but they haven’t been in the public eye they’ve been very very behind the scenes i’ve made i’ve made money in my business that i haven’t that hasn’t been outward it hasn’t been flashy i’ve been done another large event because hey covid right and a lot of the things i’ve done have been the building blocks for bigger things that will be visual that you will see outwardly but because i wasn’t at that level or i didn’t perceive myself at that level i started to believe the lie that i needed to get back to there and then move on from there when the truth is i’m already further ahead than i was that day and i need to stop playing small just because being in my genius zone being in my purpose ruffled a lot of feathers and caused a lot of heartache i would never change it because i know that when i was in that zone when i was in my perfect space when i was doing what i was called on this earth to do that i impacted lives and nobody can ever ever change that nobody being threatened by that nobody being scared of what that means for them can ever change the fact that i impacted people’s lives for the better that i helped them make more money in their businesses that i still two years later i’m getting messages about how that event changed the trajectory of their lives so when i think about those testimonials and how that changed lives and how that was important and how happy i felt at that time why on earth am i trying to avoid that why am i trying to take these little side roads and be safe and and convince myself that i just need to i need to like keep things calm i don’t want to ruffle any feathers are you kidding me the best achievements have come when i am ruffling feathers and it’s not that i’m trying to i think people get confused about this with disruption because i’ve been told i disrupt like i disrupt what is the norm and people get uncomfortable with that and little by little as i grew more confident in business i started disrupting those patterns but i wasn’t intentionally saying i’m going to disrupt this i’m going to like blow the lid off this whole thing right like i’m going to make people uncomfortable it was just i can’t not do this it is in my bloods and my bones like i have to do this i have to say this i have to help in this way and if i don’t i will pop right like a freaking balloon blowing up and if i don’t let some air out it’s gonna pop so that’s that was my intention that’s always been my intention what can i do to help women make more money in their businesses how can i help them to grow how can i help them to be more confident how can i help them to see the power that they possess and not sell themselves short making up stories that aren’t true and in turn for the last little bit i have been doing that for myself so that was my big aha moment i hope that it’s an aha moment for you it’s really really important that we have the quiet stillness to be reflective on the way that we are behaving and it’s not enough just to say oh i’m not posting that because i’m scared what are you scared of do the do the whole sequence of well i’m scared that people judge me why are you scared if they’re ju why why are you afraid of that well because it’s gonna hurt my feelings okay well can your feelings recover like just keep going to get to the root thing because that’s really essentially what happened for me i was psychoanalyzing i do that i i really ask myself questions hard questions not just like well why do you feel sad Kirsten it’s like why are you feeling triggered right now what is bringing this up oh is it this uh maybe i don’t know is it this oh yeah that one that one kind of stings a little bit and then i just keep going and i have this conversation without sounding like a crazy person i have a conversation where i’m asking the ego right the ego is just kind of on autopilot it’s in control it’s trying to keep you safe it just does its thing it’s the one responding when you get triggered on social media it’s like we don’t like that shut that off right i don’t that makes me feel uncomfortable but then the you that is always you that is void of the ego this is kind of intense stuff to wrap your mind around the awareness that hears yourself thinking those things your complete awareness where you’re like oh i just got triggered that voice needs to talk to the ego and say what’s going on how are we feeling what are we gonna do with this and if you can get to that space where you have awareness where you’re not just like i’m triggered and i need to get off social media but it’s like why what’s happening inside of me where did this originate from how can i feel better about this because simply just shutting off social media isn’t gonna heal the problem but for me going through this it led to some huge realizations as i’m sure you’ve heard on this episode where actually previously i thought i had it all figured out i was like oh yeah it was just this and i’m like oh my gosh i have played safe and the minute i wasn’t safe i got hurt and so now i’m trying to avoid being hurt again and i can’t do that because it’s not possible it’s not possible to have both you can’t go for your big audacious dreams and stay safe at the same time and i really really did believe that you could there was a time in my life leading up to this big painful experience that i went through where i really really thought that you could be safe that you could stay in if you were non-threatening enough that everybody would always like you if you didn’t rock the boat too much that you could have your you have both the best of both worlds right well apparently you can’t because we’re all human and we’re all dealing with ego and we’re all dealing with our own stuff and we have to interact with each other and so you’re going to bring things up for people but i promise you i guarantee you because i had the awareness to look at myself i could have easily said ah that girl on social media she totally triggered me the truth is i was triggered and i had to take ownership for how i feel i have to look at my own ego mind and say what what do i need to change or shift here instead of saying i need to unfollow her well i mean that’s a temporary fix right but there’s going to be another person who does the same thing that’s going to trigger you and the real healing happens when you’re self-aware of that and so i’m saying that to say uh if if you have the self-awareness to know that you have an ego you have to be honest with yourself and realize other people do too and when you do things that trigger them it is not about you it is about them they have just as much responsibility to sort through their junk and to sort through all of the weird stuff that comes up for them because you’re out there living your dreams and and crushing it and doing huge things and throwing events for a thousand people and making a ton of money if that’s going to make people uncomfortable that’s their responsibility they have to figure out why they’re triggered by that and heaven forbid they have an ability to impact your business or your life you’ll figure that out too you’ll work through that but it is never an excuse for you to play small because you don’t want people to not like you you don’t want people to feel uncomfortable when you walk into the room if you are making people uncomfortable when you walk into a room you probably need to be walking into different rooms it is better for you to walk into rooms where you have to figure out what’s going on with you than for you to absorb all of what’s going on with everyone else i’ve been in those rooms i’ve been in rooms with thousands of people where there were a lot of people who i had great relationships with but i could feel the negative energy of just one person if you’re an empath you know what i’m talking about okay so repeat after me my going for my dreams and doing big things has nothing to do with anyone else but myself and i’m not responsible for the feelings and the egos of anybody else i am responsible for my own and i can be more self-aware and more reflective on how i’m feeling and how i’m interacting with this world okay that was a lot that was a lot a lot a lot you have a lot to chew on a lot to process i hope it’s helpful if you are at any stage of building your business these things are going to come up over and over and over that is the the biggest guarantee that i can give you as a business owner if you’re trying to manage this if you’re a female which you are because you’re listening to this i don’t know maybe your husband’s listening to it’s good information for anybody to have but the chances that you’re going to not ruffle feathers as you go for your dreams are zero slim to zero it’s gonna happen if you’re really really going for it so just be okay with that and do not be naive about that and uh understand that you having power is not a bad thing okay being powerful being inspiring is not a bad thing all right thanks so much for tuning in i’ll see you guys on the next episode have a beautiful day bye bye does your business need a little reboot a little cleanse a little goal setting initiative for the next year if so go to KirstenTyrrel.com forward slash reboot to sign up for the free training that’s going to help you reboot your business and get prepared for an amazing 12 months of business again that’s Kirsten Tyrrel.com forward slash reboot
Welcome back to the marvelous mompreneur podcast it’s your host Kirsten Tyrrel thanks for being here thanks for listening to the show hopefully you’re getting lots and lots of value out of it if you are share it screenshot share your favorite part share your favorite clip tag me on insta so that i can see that you’re sharing it and tell me what you’re loving and what you want more of we recently rebranded to the marvelous mompreneur podcast from being marvelous mom’s club and then marvelous and now it’s marvelous mompreneur where i’m going to bring you amazing jam-packed valuable episodes full of action steps and tips and tricks and mindset hacks that’ll help you become the best mompreneur that you can be so today we’re discussing something that is based on an aha moment that i had while washing dishes and i have a lot of aha moments while i’m washing dishes i don’t know about you guys i think it’s just the mindless activity that’s where a lot of creativity comes in when i’m like doing my hair putting my makeup on taking a shower things that i’m not looking at my phone i’m not looking at a screen but i’m just my hands are busy and so my brain can kind of go into a totally different zone of creativity so i was sitting there and i was thinking about how in the past i really prided myself and it’s a long you know your train of thought there’s a long road getting there i’m not going to go into the whole backstory but what kind of came up for me was i started to realize that i had played very careful and very small for so much of my journey as a new entrepreneur and i remember like when i first started the podcast i was reaching out to these amazing women and thinking oh my gosh there’s no way they’re going to say yes to me i’m a nobody i’m i’m you know brand new but it was actually the fact that i was brand new and i was on a different platform than they were that made it super non-threatening and so i started to pride myself on that and we had conversations about that or was like hey if you were just a blogger and you were trying to do a guest post on another blog they’d probably be a little bit like like i don’t know you i’m not going to like share my people with you but i was on a totally different platform nobody was really podcasting back then it was the first time a lot of those people had ever been asked to be on a podcast and it was really flattering and it was really a great opportunity for them to share their story and the behind the scenes kind of stuff and so i realized that that was like a great in you know like this is a great way to kind of build up my audience and that’s not why i started doing it i really wanted to bring the valuable stories but i was like this is this is how networking works i share this episode they share it with their audience they bring people over here who want more of that kind of content it’s amazing it’s marketing it’s really what it is it’s just marketing and so uh then down the line i participated in other types of businesses and endeavors where again it was the if i can just and i wasn’t doing this consciously that’s what i want to make clear i’m just realizing it now that this was a habit this was something that i continued to do because it was safe and i it was familiar and i knew how to work that i knew how to be that way i knew how to like take on that identity so with a lot of the businesses that i did i was like i’m not like an influencer like i’m not a big influencer i don’t have a huge following and it actually kept my social media followings small and i i really truly believe i liked it that way because i felt like if i became big if i got more than 10 000 followers if i really really grew then i could no longer be this non-threatening i’m not really trying i’m not really like trying to do this gung-ho right even though all my messaging was like i’m a business owner and i want to make a million dollars there was still on like the back end the side of me that was playing so so safe so safe right like i can’t fully claim that i’m this boss babe that i’m this business owner because i’m still new guys like i’m just i’m just creeping in here and taking my safe steps and i’m just testing the water i’m not like ready to swim i’m not ready to really go all in but i was totally all in in my own world right but i was playing really really safe i did it again while selling beauty products i’m not like a beauty blogger you guys i’m just an everyday mom like i’m not threatening i’m not trying to sell you stuff i’m just your friend right but then i took on this identity which i actually was very conscious of this and i tried to change this but i got really tired of hearing myself say things like oh i’m not like an expert at this i actually really don’t know what i’m doing i’m really not even good at this like i was trying to be non-threatening to the people that i was selling to and in turn i was branding myself as somebody who wasn’t like not confident in what i was doing does that make sense i know you guys can’t answer me but are you doing this are you doing this without realizing it you don’t want to seem like you’re threatening you don’t want to be salesy so you’re just kind of holding back and you’re playing in that safe zone so here’s the aha moment as i realized what i’ve really been trying to psychoanalyze the last like two years of my business because i started doing really huge things i did the glow event here in nashville in march of 2019 and that was huge that was a really big feat i still look back and i’m like i can’t believe we did that i can’t believe how lucky we were to have done that pre-covered you know just a year later and that would have been a very different story but to bring together rachel hollis nicole walters and nearly a thousand entrepreneurs to a conference for my very first one ever like at the time i just thought this was standard this is just what you do right and then nicole even said to me this is not typical people do not typically do this for their first event even nicole’s only had i think she only planned for 250 people so to plan for that large of a scale at such a huge venue was a big deal but ben and i have always kind of been big dreamers we go all the way if we’re gonna do something we’re gonna do it really really well and so i was really at that point completely stepping into my power of like yeah i’m a business owner i’m a really really strong smart business owner i have learned a lot i’ve been in this game for a few years now i know what i’m doing and it seems like as soon as i really stepped into that place of ownership of like i am ready to be the ceo of my business i am ready to because previously i had hired people for my business to support me i had hired business coaches and i was just kind of doing it because that’s what you’re supposed to do right like that’s what they say but i really didn’t understand how to step up and be the one in charge and how to really manage um employees and and a lot of times ben was saying they’re looking to you to provide the answers and i was like i’m so used to just playing as you know a person doing their job versus really stepping up and being the ceo of this so that change that started to really shift and i started to step into that and then a lot of things just fell apart because apparently when you play small you’re you’re not threatening you’re really really safe like people aren’t gonna really look twice they’re gonna be like oh yeah that’s nice that’s cute but then as soon as you really step into that that power and you really step into your genius zone i i hate to be the one to tell you this but it brings a lot of attention to you and it starts to get a lot more focused brought into what you’re doing you start getting a lot of nitpicking and what i’ve noticed is that when people see the something that you’re doing that makes them uncomfortable when it’s big when it’s exciting it makes them inevitably look at what they’re doing and think that there’s some kind of measuring stick of saying oh well i didn’t do that and i don’t work that way and i don’t run my business that way so that means that what she’s doing is wrong i’m uncomfortable with her being so comfortable with herself one of my really good friends actually said to me once you’re incredibly intimidating because you’re so comfortable in your skin and i was like well that’s dumb like my being comfortable in my skin should not have anything to do with how you feel about yourself it should have nothing to do with you being intimidated but why are we doing that as women i don’t think this is a man thing maybe it is i guess it totally could be i’m not a man i don’t know how to ask a man but that was i realized after that point of really realizing that i couldn’t live in that bubble anymore of everybody likes me and everybody’s comfortable with me being good at what i do everything i started to do from then on was being very very safe and very deliberately trying to go back into that shell i was trying to revert back into when it was safe when there weren’t any eyes on me when there was no one criticizing things that i was doing when there was not like a micromanagement of the way that i did business and in turn in so doing in going backwards and reverting it completely killed all of that momentum to where now there came a point like a few months ago where i looked at i shared it on social media a clip from the glow event on stage and i had gone through the whole presentation and you guys to be honest i had never once the whole thing was recorded i have it all on a hard drive and i had never one single time watched back any of the event because in my head it was such like a such a form of stress such a source of stress it was like the hardest thing i’d ever done and it was just a a really really painful uncomfortable thing not doing it not actually putting the presentation on but i started to make up stories about it and i associated a lot of negativity with it after the fact and so i had made up this whole version of the truth about that event and started to make it smaller in my head and i actually really forgot about who i was at that time because i had just slowly gone into this like shrinking stage it’s like you know those little washcloth things you put them in water and they expand but they start as a tiny little cube i was going backwards i was going from the washcloth back into the little cube thing and so i watched this video clip i watched the whole presentation and i just i was like shocked and you can ask some of my very closest friends i texted them and i was like why why didn’t i know why didn’t i know that i didn’t recognize that person was completely in alignment and in her genius zone i was exactly where i was supposed to be and i was in fully in my purpose i was doing the things i was most passionate about that was me and i it’s sad to me now that i don’t recognize that girl because i’ve become such a safe player i’ve tried to go back to being the newbie the beginner i chose to believe the lie that i’m just starting over i’m just starting from the beginning when in reality i’m 10 times more advanced than i was even that day on stage there are so many things that i have learned there are so many accomplishments that i have done but they haven’t been in the public eye they’ve been very very behind the scenes i’ve made i’ve made money in my business that i haven’t that hasn’t been outward it hasn’t been flashy i’ve been done another large event because hey covid right and a lot of the things i’ve done have been the building blocks for bigger things that will be visual that you will see outwardly but because i wasn’t at that level or i didn’t perceive myself at that level i started to believe the lie that i needed to get back to there and then move on from there when the truth is i’m already further ahead than i was that day and i need to stop playing small just because being in my genius zone being in my purpose ruffled a lot of feathers and caused a lot of heartache i would never change it because i know that when i was in that zone when i was in my perfect space when i was doing what i was called on this earth to do that i impacted lives and nobody can ever ever change that nobody being threatened by that nobody being scared of what that means for them can ever change the fact that i impacted people’s lives for the better that i helped them make more money in their businesses that i still two years later i’m getting messages about how that event changed the trajectory of their lives so when i think about those testimonials and how that changed lives and how that was important and how happy i felt at that time why on earth am i trying to avoid that why am i trying to take these little side roads and be safe and and convince myself that i just need to i need to like keep things calm i don’t want to ruffle any feathers are you kidding me the best achievements have come when i am ruffling feathers and it’s not that i’m trying to i think people get confused about this with disruption because i’ve been told i disrupt like i disrupt what is the norm and people get uncomfortable with that and little by little as i grew more confident in business i started disrupting those patterns but i wasn’t intentionally saying i’m going to disrupt this i’m going to like blow the lid off this whole thing right like i’m going to make people uncomfortable it was just i can’t not do this it is in my bloods and my bones like i have to do this i have to say this i have to help in this way and if i don’t i will pop right like a freaking balloon blowing up and if i don’t let some air out it’s gonna pop so that’s that was my intention that’s always been my intention what can i do to help women make more money in their businesses how can i help them to grow how can i help them to be more confident how can i help them to see the power that they possess and not sell themselves short making up stories that aren’t true and in turn for the last little bit i have been doing that for myself so that was my big aha moment i hope that it’s an aha moment for you it’s really really important that we have the quiet stillness to be reflective on the way that we are behaving and it’s not enough just to say oh i’m not posting that because i’m scared what are you scared of do the do the whole sequence of well i’m scared that people judge me why are you scared if they’re ju why why are you afraid of that well because it’s gonna hurt my feelings okay well can your feelings recover like just keep going to get to the root thing because that’s really essentially what happened for me i was psychoanalyzing i do that i i really ask myself questions hard questions not just like well why do you feel sad Kirsten it’s like why are you feeling triggered right now what is bringing this up oh is it this uh maybe i don’t know is it this oh yeah that one that one kind of stings a little bit and then i just keep going and i have this conversation without sounding like a crazy person i have a conversation where i’m asking the ego right the ego is just kind of on autopilot it’s in control it’s trying to keep you safe it just does its thing it’s the one responding when you get triggered on social media it’s like we don’t like that shut that off right i don’t that makes me feel uncomfortable but then the you that is always you that is void of the ego this is kind of intense stuff to wrap your mind around the awareness that hears yourself thinking those things your complete awareness where you’re like oh i just got triggered that voice needs to talk to the ego and say what’s going on how are we feeling what are we gonna do with this and if you can get to that space where you have awareness where you’re not just like i’m triggered and i need to get off social media but it’s like why what’s happening inside of me where did this originate from how can i feel better about this because simply just shutting off social media isn’t gonna heal the problem but for me going through this it led to some huge realizations as i’m sure you’ve heard on this episode where actually previously i thought i had it all figured out i was like oh yeah it was just this and i’m like oh my gosh i have played safe and the minute i wasn’t safe i got hurt and so now i’m trying to avoid being hurt again and i can’t do that because it’s not possible it’s not possible to have both you can’t go for your big audacious dreams and stay safe at the same time and i really really did believe that you could there was a time in my life leading up to this big painful experience that i went through where i really really thought that you could be safe that you could stay in if you were non-threatening enough that everybody would always like you if you didn’t rock the boat too much that you could have your you have both the best of both worlds right well apparently you can’t because we’re all human and we’re all dealing with ego and we’re all dealing with our own stuff and we have to interact with each other and so you’re going to bring things up for people but i promise you i guarantee you because i had the awareness to look at myself i could have easily said ah that girl on social media she totally triggered me the truth is i was triggered and i had to take ownership for how i feel i have to look at my own ego mind and say what what do i need to change or shift here instead of saying i need to unfollow her well i mean that’s a temporary fix right but there’s going to be another person who does the same thing that’s going to trigger you and the real healing happens when you’re self-aware of that and so i’m saying that to say uh if if you have the self-awareness to know that you have an ego you have to be honest with yourself and realize other people do too and when you do things that trigger them it is not about you it is about them they have just as much responsibility to sort through their junk and to sort through all of the weird stuff that comes up for them because you’re out there living your dreams and and crushing it and doing huge things and throwing events for a thousand people and making a ton of money if that’s going to make people uncomfortable that’s their responsibility they have to figure out why they’re triggered by that and heaven forbid they have an ability to impact your business or your life you’ll figure that out too you’ll work through that but it is never an excuse for you to play small because you don’t want people to not like you you don’t want people to feel uncomfortable when you walk into the room if you are making people uncomfortable when you walk into a room you probably need to be walking into different rooms it is better for you to walk into rooms where you have to figure out what’s going on with you than for you to absorb all of what’s going on with everyone else i’ve been in those rooms i’ve been in rooms with thousands of people where there were a lot of people who i had great relationships with but i could feel the negative energy of just one person if you’re an empath you know what i’m talking about okay so repeat after me my going for my dreams and doing big things has nothing to do with anyone else but myself and i’m not responsible for the feelings and the egos of anybody else i am responsible for my own and i can be more self-aware and more reflective on how i’m feeling and how i’m interacting with this world okay that was a lot that was a lot a lot a lot you have a lot to chew on a lot to process i hope it’s helpful if you are at any stage of building your business these things are going to come up over and over and over that is the the biggest guarantee that i can give you as a business owner if you’re trying to manage this if you’re a female which you are because you’re listening to this i don’t know maybe your husband’s listening to it’s good information for anybody to have but the chances that you’re going to not ruffle feathers as you go for your dreams are zero slim to zero it’s gonna happen if you’re really really going for it so just be okay with that and do not be naive about that and uh understand that you having power is not a bad thing okay being powerful being inspiring is not a bad thing all right thanks so much for tuning in i’ll see you guys on the next episode have a beautiful day bye bye does your business need a little reboot a little cleanse a little goal setting initiative for the next year if so go to KirstenTyrrel.com forward slash reboot to sign up for the free training that’s going to help you reboot your business and get prepared for an amazing 12 months of business again that’s Kirsten Tyrrel.com forward slash reboot
Welcome back to the marvelous mompreneur podcast it’s your host Kirsten Tyrrel thanks for being here thanks for listening to the show hopefully you’re getting lots and lots of value out of it if you are share it screenshot share your favorite part share your favorite clip tag me on insta so that i can see that you’re sharing it and tell me what you’re loving and what you want more of we recently rebranded to the marvelous mompreneur podcast from being marvelous mom’s club and then marvelous and now it’s marvelous mompreneur where i’m going to bring you amazing jam-packed valuable episodes full of action steps and tips and tricks and mindset hacks that’ll help you become the best mompreneur that you can be so today we’re discussing something that is based on an aha moment that i had while washing dishes and i have a lot of aha moments while i’m washing dishes i don’t know about you guys i think it’s just the mindless activity that’s where a lot of creativity comes in when i’m like doing my hair putting my makeup on taking a shower things that i’m not looking at my phone i’m not looking at a screen but i’m just my hands are busy and so my brain can kind of go into a totally different zone of creativity so i was sitting there and i was thinking about how in the past i really prided myself and it’s a long you know your train of thought there’s a long road getting there i’m not going to go into the whole backstory but what kind of came up for me was i started to realize that i had played very careful and very small for so much of my journey as a new entrepreneur and i remember like when i first started the podcast i was reaching out to these amazing women and thinking oh my gosh there’s no way they’re going to say yes to me i’m a nobody i’m i’m you know brand new but it was actually the fact that i was brand new and i was on a different platform than they were that made it super non-threatening and so i started to pride myself on that and we had conversations about that or was like hey if you were just a blogger and you were trying to do a guest post on another blog they’d probably be a little bit like like i don’t know you i’m not going to like share my people with you but i was on a totally different platform nobody was really podcasting back then it was the first time a lot of those people had ever been asked to be on a podcast and it was really flattering and it was really a great opportunity for them to share their story and the behind the scenes kind of stuff and so i realized that that was like a great in you know like this is a great way to kind of build up my audience and that’s not why i started doing it i really wanted to bring the valuable stories but i was like this is this is how networking works i share this episode they share it with their audience they bring people over here who want more of that kind of content it’s amazing it’s marketing it’s really what it is it’s just marketing and so uh then down the line i participated in other types of businesses and endeavors where again it was the if i can just and i wasn’t doing this consciously that’s what i want to make clear i’m just realizing it now that this was a habit this was something that i continued to do because it was safe and i it was familiar and i knew how to work that i knew how to be that way i knew how to like take on that identity so with a lot of the businesses that i did i was like i’m not like an influencer like i’m not a big influencer i don’t have a huge following and it actually kept my social media followings small and i i really truly believe i liked it that way because i felt like if i became big if i got more than 10 000 followers if i really really grew then i could no longer be this non-threatening i’m not really trying i’m not really like trying to do this gung-ho right even though all my messaging was like i’m a business owner and i want to make a million dollars there was still on like the back end the side of me that was playing so so safe so safe right like i can’t fully claim that i’m this boss babe that i’m this business owner because i’m still new guys like i’m just i’m just creeping in here and taking my safe steps and i’m just testing the water i’m not like ready to swim i’m not ready to really go all in but i was totally all in in my own world right but i was playing really really safe i did it again while selling beauty products i’m not like a beauty blogger you guys i’m just an everyday mom like i’m not threatening i’m not trying to sell you stuff i’m just your friend right but then i took on this identity which i actually was very conscious of this and i tried to change this but i got really tired of hearing myself say things like oh i’m not like an expert at this i actually really don’t know what i’m doing i’m really not even good at this like i was trying to be non-threatening to the people that i was selling to and in turn i was branding myself as somebody who wasn’t like not confident in what i was doing does that make sense i know you guys can’t answer me but are you doing this are you doing this without realizing it you don’t want to seem like you’re threatening you don’t want to be salesy so you’re just kind of holding back and you’re playing in that safe zone so here’s the aha moment as i realized what i’ve really been trying to psychoanalyze the last like two years of my business because i started doing really huge things i did the glow event here in nashville in march of 2019 and that was huge that was a really big feat i still look back and i’m like i can’t believe we did that i can’t believe how lucky we were to have done that pre-covered you know just a year later and that would have been a very different story but to bring together rachel hollis nicole walters and nearly a thousand entrepreneurs to a conference for my very first one ever like at the time i just thought this was standard this is just what you do right and then nicole even said to me this is not typical people do not typically do this for their first event even nicole’s only had i think she only planned for 250 people so to plan for that large of a scale at such a huge venue was a big deal but ben and i have always kind of been big dreamers we go all the way if we’re gonna do something we’re gonna do it really really well and so i was really at that point completely stepping into my power of like yeah i’m a business owner i’m a really really strong smart business owner i have learned a lot i’ve been in this game for a few years now i know what i’m doing and it seems like as soon as i really stepped into that place of ownership of like i am ready to be the ceo of my business i am ready to because previously i had hired people for my business to support me i had hired business coaches and i was just kind of doing it because that’s what you’re supposed to do right like that’s what they say but i really didn’t understand how to step up and be the one in charge and how to really manage um employees and and a lot of times ben was saying they’re looking to you to provide the answers and i was like i’m so used to just playing as you know a person doing their job versus really stepping up and being the ceo of this so that change that started to really shift and i started to step into that and then a lot of things just fell apart because apparently when you play small you’re you’re not threatening you’re really really safe like people aren’t gonna really look twice they’re gonna be like oh yeah that’s nice that’s cute but then as soon as you really step into that that power and you really step into your genius zone i i hate to be the one to tell you this but it brings a lot of attention to you and it starts to get a lot more focused brought into what you’re doing you start getting a lot of nitpicking and what i’ve noticed is that when people see the something that you’re doing that makes them uncomfortable when it’s big when it’s exciting it makes them inevitably look at what they’re doing and think that there’s some kind of measuring stick of saying oh well i didn’t do that and i don’t work that way and i don’t run my business that way so that means that what she’s doing is wrong i’m uncomfortable with her being so comfortable with herself one of my really good friends actually said to me once you’re incredibly intimidating because you’re so comfortable in your skin and i was like well that’s dumb like my being comfortable in my skin should not have anything to do with how you feel about yourself it should have nothing to do with you being intimidated but why are we doing that as women i don’t think this is a man thing maybe it is i guess it totally could be i’m not a man i don’t know how to ask a man but that was i realized after that point of really realizing that i couldn’t live in that bubble anymore of everybody likes me and everybody’s comfortable with me being good at what i do everything i started to do from then on was being very very safe and very deliberately trying to go back into that shell i was trying to revert back into when it was safe when there weren’t any eyes on me when there was no one criticizing things that i was doing when there was not like a micromanagement of the way that i did business and in turn in so doing in going backwards and reverting it completely killed all of that momentum to where now there came a point like a few months ago where i looked at i shared it on social media a clip from the glow event on stage and i had gone through the whole presentation and you guys to be honest i had never once the whole thing was recorded i have it all on a hard drive and i had never one single time watched back any of the event because in my head it was such like a such a form of stress such a source of stress it was like the hardest thing i’d ever done and it was just a a really really painful uncomfortable thing not doing it not actually putting the presentation on but i started to make up stories about it and i associated a lot of negativity with it after the fact and so i had made up this whole version of the truth about that event and started to make it smaller in my head and i actually really forgot about who i was at that time because i had just slowly gone into this like shrinking stage it’s like you know those little washcloth things you put them in water and they expand but they start as a tiny little cube i was going backwards i was going from the washcloth back into the little cube thing and so i watched this video clip i watched the whole presentation and i just i was like shocked and you can ask some of my very closest friends i texted them and i was like why why didn’t i know why didn’t i know that i didn’t recognize that person was completely in alignment and in her genius zone i was exactly where i was supposed to be and i was in fully in my purpose i was doing the things i was most passionate about that was me and i it’s sad to me now that i don’t recognize that girl because i’ve become such a safe player i’ve tried to go back to being the newbie the beginner i chose to believe the lie that i’m just starting over i’m just starting from the beginning when in reality i’m 10 times more advanced than i was even that day on stage there are so many things that i have learned there are so many accomplishments that i have done but they haven’t been in the public eye they’ve been very very behind the scenes i’ve made i’ve made money in my business that i haven’t that hasn’t been outward it hasn’t been flashy i’ve been done another large event because hey covid right and a lot of the things i’ve done have been the building blocks for bigger things that will be visual that you will see outwardly but because i wasn’t at that level or i didn’t perceive myself at that level i started to believe the lie that i needed to get back to there and then move on from there when the truth is i’m already further ahead than i was that day and i need to stop playing small just because being in my genius zone being in my purpose ruffled a lot of feathers and caused a lot of heartache i would never change it because i know that when i was in that zone when i was in my perfect space when i was doing what i was called on this earth to do that i impacted lives and nobody can ever ever change that nobody being threatened by that nobody being scared of what that means for them can ever change the fact that i impacted people’s lives for the better that i helped them make more money in their businesses that i still two years later i’m getting messages about how that event changed the trajectory of their lives so when i think about those testimonials and how that changed lives and how that was important and how happy i felt at that time why on earth am i trying to avoid that why am i trying to take these little side roads and be safe and and convince myself that i just need to i need to like keep things calm i don’t want to ruffle any feathers are you kidding me the best achievements have come when i am ruffling feathers and it’s not that i’m trying to i think people get confused about this with disruption because i’ve been told i disrupt like i disrupt what is the norm and people get uncomfortable with that and little by little as i grew more confident in business i started disrupting those patterns but i wasn’t intentionally saying i’m going to disrupt this i’m going to like blow the lid off this whole thing right like i’m going to make people uncomfortable it was just i can’t not do this it is in my bloods and my bones like i have to do this i have to say this i have to help in this way and if i don’t i will pop right like a freaking balloon blowing up and if i don’t let some air out it’s gonna pop so that’s that was my intention that’s always been my intention what can i do to help women make more money in their businesses how can i help them to grow how can i help them to be more confident how can i help them to see the power that they possess and not sell themselves short making up stories that aren’t true and in turn for the last little bit i have been doing that for myself so that was my big aha moment i hope that it’s an aha moment for you it’s really really important that we have the quiet stillness to be reflective on the way that we are behaving and it’s not enough just to say oh i’m not posting that because i’m scared what are you scared of do the do the whole sequence of well i’m scared that people judge me why are you scared if they’re ju why why are you afraid of that well because it’s gonna hurt my feelings okay well can your feelings recover like just keep going to get to the root thing because that’s really essentially what happened for me i was psychoanalyzing i do that i i really ask myself questions hard questions not just like well why do you feel sad Kirsten it’s like why are you feeling triggered right now what is bringing this up oh is it this uh maybe i don’t know is it this oh yeah that one that one kind of stings a little bit and then i just keep going and i have this conversation without sounding like a crazy person i have a conversation where i’m asking the ego right the ego is just kind of on autopilot it’s in control it’s trying to keep you safe it just does its thing it’s the one responding when you get triggered on social media it’s like we don’t like that shut that off right i don’t that makes me feel uncomfortable but then the you that is always you that is void of the ego this is kind of intense stuff to wrap your mind around the awareness that hears yourself thinking those things your complete awareness where you’re like oh i just got triggered that voice needs to talk to the ego and say what’s going on how are we feeling what are we gonna do with this and if you can get to that space where you have awareness where you’re not just like i’m triggered and i need to get off social media but it’s like why what’s happening inside of me where did this originate from how can i feel better about this because simply just shutting off social media isn’t gonna heal the problem but for me going through this it led to some huge realizations as i’m sure you’ve heard on this episode where actually previously i thought i had it all figured out i was like oh yeah it was just this and i’m like oh my gosh i have played safe and the minute i wasn’t safe i got hurt and so now i’m trying to avoid being hurt again and i can’t do that because it’s not possible it’s not possible to have both you can’t go for your big audacious dreams and stay safe at the same time and i really really did believe that you could there was a time in my life leading up to this big painful experience that i went through where i really really thought that you could be safe that you could stay in if you were non-threatening enough that everybody would always like you if you didn’t rock the boat too much that you could have your you have both the best of both worlds right well apparently you can’t because we’re all human and we’re all dealing with ego and we’re all dealing with our own stuff and we have to interact with each other and so you’re going to bring things up for people but i promise you i guarantee you because i had the awareness to look at myself i could have easily said ah that girl on social media she totally triggered me the truth is i was triggered and i had to take ownership for how i feel i have to look at my own ego mind and say what what do i need to change or shift here instead of saying i need to unfollow her well i mean that’s a temporary fix right but there’s going to be another person who does the same thing that’s going to trigger you and the real healing happens when you’re self-aware of that and so i’m saying that to say uh if if you have the self-awareness to know that you have an ego you have to be honest with yourself and realize other people do too and when you do things that trigger them it is not about you it is about them they have just as much responsibility to sort through their junk and to sort through all of the weird stuff that comes up for them because you’re out there living your dreams and and crushing it and doing huge things and throwing events for a thousand people and making a ton of money if that’s going to make people uncomfortable that’s their responsibility they have to figure out why they’re triggered by that and heaven forbid they have an ability to impact your business or your life you’ll figure that out too you’ll work through that but it is never an excuse for you to play small because you don’t want people to not like you you don’t want people to feel uncomfortable when you walk into the room if you are making people uncomfortable when you walk into a room you probably need to be walking into different rooms it is better for you to walk into rooms where you have to figure out what’s going on with you than for you to absorb all of what’s going on with everyone else i’ve been in those rooms i’ve been in rooms with thousands of people where there were a lot of people who i had great relationships with but i could feel the negative energy of just one person if you’re an empath you know what i’m talking about okay so repeat after me my going for my dreams and doing big things has nothing to do with anyone else but myself and i’m not responsible for the feelings and the egos of anybody else i am responsible for my own and i can be more self-aware and more reflective on how i’m feeling and how i’m interacting with this world okay that was a lot that was a lot a lot a lot you have a lot to chew on a lot to process i hope it’s helpful if you are at any stage of building your business these things are going to come up over and over and over that is the the biggest guarantee that i can give you as a business owner if you’re trying to manage this if you’re a female which you are because you’re listening to this i don’t know maybe your husband’s listening to it’s good information for anybody to have but the chances that you’re going to not ruffle feathers as you go for your dreams are zero slim to zero it’s gonna happen if you’re really really going for it so just be okay with that and do not be naive about that and uh understand that you having power is not a bad thing okay being powerful being inspiring is not a bad thing all right thanks so much for tuning in i’ll see you guys on the next episode have a beautiful day bye bye does your business need a little reboot a little cleanse a little goal setting initiative for the next year if so go to KirstenTyrrel.com forward slash reboot to sign up for the free training that’s going to help you reboot your business and get prepared for an amazing 12 months of business again that’s Kirsten Tyrrel.com forward slash reboot [/showhide]
