If I could describe 2021 in one year it would be: stuck. It was a year spent on a never ending cycle of second guessing, doubt and honestly absolute fear.
I thought 2020 had been a terrible year, but in reality 2021 ended up being far worse. I had no idea how much healing needed to take place after going through something insanely hard.
This is your disclaimer to be nice to yourself and go easy when you’re bouncing back from traumatic experiences. It’s not worth it to try to skip past that phase, because it’ll take twice as long to make progress.
This episode is all about showing up again, claiming my new word of the year: consistency, and being ready to use my voice again to create online.
What it is NOT about is a big comeback or flashy plan to change the world. I have had my share of big intense goals that actually mean nothing when I achieve them, and I’m ready to be rooted in something much more important.
Tune in and check out my podcast page to sign up for my listening party with behind the scenes info and insight into the new show!
I’m so glad you’re here, let’s make marketing magic happen together!
Share this episode on social and let’s get social on Instagram and Facebook!
[showhide type=”post” more_text=”Show more…” less_text=”Show less…”]
oh hello there old friend welcome back to the podcast it has been nearly a year since i aired the last episode on this show but it has been six years since i aired the very first episode of the show back in 2016. i started recording in 2015 and i i saw a facebook memory pop up on on you know on facebook obviously that said that it was six years ago and it was the days leading up to me launching the podcast and i was like man i just i can’t believe it’s been that long ago but at the same time six years isn’t that long i just can’t believe how much has happened in that span of time how many opportunities this podcast has opened up for me how many amazing relationships that i’ve been able to build i was just going through our bookshelf the other day and i s i found multiple books on there um that have been given to me by authors who have been on the show or have almost been on the show one of them i don’t think i ever told you guys i i almost died and we’ll just do a little like fun flashback i guess um i opened up my email years ago i want to say it was like three years ago and the first thing i kind of noticed was candace cameron buret’s face and i was like what is this and i was so stoked because her agent was pitching her to be on the show to promote one of her new books and uh we booked the interview and it fell through and then we booked another interview and the day that i was supposed to interview her she had laryngitis they had to like cancel shooting and filming everything for her hallmark movies never ended up rescheduling her i don’t know that she’s even released a new book or if she’s even doing podcast interviews anymore but that was like a a high for me even though it never happened i was like this is amazing my podcast is at a point where i have celebrity guests pitching to be on the show now it’s been a year no episodes and let me tell you i have never had more uh showing up in my inboxes by way inbox not in boxes by way of people wanting to be on this show and i know that’s just the way that we’ve evolved with podcasts it used to be that was like where can i find people to be on the show and now it’s like oh i have to say no to 90 of the people who reach out because i don’t have capacity to have that many guests on the show unless i was going back to the five episodes a week situation which if you’ve been here from the beginning you’ll remember that was crazy so many episodes that my own mother was like i would love to listen but i can’t keep up it’s too many episodes i i can’t stay on top of it anyway so we’ve we’ve had a lot of changes a lot of ebbs and flows with this show but it has it has truly opened up so many amazing doors it has built so many connections i have so many wonderful friendships that have come as a result of this as i was saying before and you know it’s just it’s crazy to see what one decision to start something to start putting yourself out there and networking has turned into and you can kind of see a little bit of if you were to look really closely if you were to look at the episodes that i’ve posted in the last few years you can definitely see a representation of what life has been like what entrepreneurship has been like for me and i posted some episodes in 2020 that were really part of like a a journey of healing and trauma and then in 2021 at the very beginning of the year some really crazy hard things that were happening in our life kind of came to a close and and you would think this was my mentality was okay the hard stuff’s over now i’m ready to like jump in and really put myself out there and do these things and what i did not anticipate was how much healing needed to take place in 2021 and i feel like that’s the biggest i don’t want to say it’s an excuse but it is truly the biggest reason why there was no new content there was a lot of fear that came into play in my creation process which is really weird because i wasn’t necessarily fearful or in a in a place of scarcity or anything like that as i was going through the hard stuff in fact i was creating a lot and i was making money and i was really putting my business out there and a lot of good things were happening it was almost like though when the hard phase ended that we had been going through we were going through a lawsuit and as soon as the lawsuit was over i you know looked at this whole like blank canvas and it was almost like too much and there was so much trauma that happened during that period of time that it was a little shocking each month that would pass in 2021 i was like wait how is it already here how’s it already this how’s it already this and interestingly i was trying to simplify and i stopped selling a lot of the things that i’m an affiliate for i just stepped back from everything because i was like i’m tired of spreading myself so thin i’m only gonna focus on one thing i’m only gonna sell one thing and i worked on building a brand and some offers with ben my husband and at the end of the year like i’m almost so grateful that it’s january i was telling him because each month that passed by where we couldn’t quite like get there um it just it felt like i was failing every single month as a new month would begin i was like what have i even done what have i even done what have i even done and it was so shocking after so many years of like massive success and even success in the middle of failure like still making more money than most people make in the midst of going through something really hard um and then this last year and it’s not like we made no money in 2021 but i just there was just nothing we couldn’t quite create or produce the way that we had before and then in trying to be more disciplined and trying to be more focused on just one thing and trying to collaborate with each other and bring our visions together there was just something that didn’t click in 2021 it was the craziest thing and i’m going to talk a lot more about that i’ll do a lot more detailed episodes about some of the things that we experience but i just wanted to give you like a broad overview this show i just shifted it to the kirsten tyrell show i’ve done that before i’ve changed this show title i don’t even know how many times and i think what finally empowered me to just change it again this time is my good friend michelle gifford i noticed her show is now just the michelle gifford podcast and i was like okay really though everything i want to share the reason that i kind of held back a lot last year was i was trying to fit everything into one lens and it just doesn’t fit like everything that i want to talk about everything i want to teach and help with it doesn’t fit into a box and i was trying so hard to make up my mind is this going to be marvelous mompreneurs it’s going to revert back to marvelous mom’s club like assigning so much energy to the title and to the plan instead of and and we’ll talk about that like planning is not a bad thing there’s actually a lot more intention with what i’m doing than ever before in spite of the fact that i’m sitting down with literally no notes and just letting this episode go because it’s time it just feels so overdue and it feels like i’m ready to open up about some really crazy things some really hard seasons and and you know when i started this show i was brand new to entrepreneurship i was brand new to running a family while running a business and everything was just i was completely the um the student and every guest i had on was the teacher and i just viewed everybody as like you know i was so lucky to have them on and and i was just soaking in all the wisdom that i could from everybody else and i felt like such a beginner and i think it’s crazy how it’s six years later and even throughout that six years i’ve just felt like such a beginner until now until after making it through 2021 when i was able to recognize like i’m never gonna go back i’m never gonna reverse to get to a point where i’m successful again because it needs to go back to that it’s like i’m more successful now than i have ever been even though 2021 was kind of a bust and it was kind of a weird year the wisdom that i have gained through the things that i have gone through uh the perspective that i have because of the associations that i’ve had the people that i’ve had the privilege of working with the people who i hated working with that i learned from because of the things that i didn’t like the way that i’ve been able to now see that all of the things that i have blamed or become a victim to are really just projections of things that needed to heal i mean when you when you when i try and like think of the span of what i want to share on a podcast there’s just no way that i can encompass that with the title as succinct as just the kirsten tyrell show and while that might seem like a weird like egotistical thing to do it’s just it’s the thing that needs to happen so that i can start creating on the show again and so from what i said in the very beginning which i don’t know i had to re-record because the sound wasn’t making sense because i’m out of practice i don’t know if i mentioned this before in the beginning of this episode but um it’s i want to be my word of the year is consistency and consistency i think in the past to me has meant like go-getter hustler or like push through and i know that that might seem weird to some of you guys for like no consistency just means like showing up and picking you know what consistency means to you and then sticking to it and i’ve been really consistent when i’m very passionate about things and when i see results and to me it’s always been hard to stay consistent i think this is humanity when you’re not seeing an immediate return on investment of your time of your energy of even if you’re passionate about it we can lose our motivation and i think i put so much stock in the way that business was supposed to feel and that i was supposed to be fired up all the time and um that i i had this like image that i needed to fulfill when in fact this is so tangential just bear with me on this episode we’re just warming things back up we’re just getting the water heated so that we can start cooking up some really good stuff um but ben asked me i think it was two years ago we were sitting i still remember where we were in our living room and he asked me okay so why do you want to do this and when with this he meant like business and creating and doing all these things and i was like i just i feel like there’s so many people who have told me that i’m you know gonna rise from the ashes of what i’ve gone through and i’m i’m such a go-getter and i’m such a boss and da da da da and he was like so you’re doing it because of this title that you’ve taken upon yourself that other people have given you this label but if you took that away would you want to do this it was the first time in years four years i guess where i was like oh my goodness no like when i really got still with it and i asked myself the question honestly the answer was no i don’t want to do this i didn’t want to run a business i didn’t want to continue to spread myself so thin i didn’t even want to be on social media and so i kind of still played a game with myself where even though i knew the deep down answer was no there was still this like fear this fomo of like well what if i just completely stop even though there was not a whole lot happening anyway on social media and in terms of like i really wasn’t busted in a big move you know in terms of business i was just in the survival mode of like if i can just kind of keep above the surface then at least it’s better than like completely disappearing and on the outside to maybe some of you it might have looked like a disappearance and then i looked through my social media feed and i get a little triggered because i’m like oh man what where where was my head space when i posted that and i can’t even believe i posted as much as i did like why what was going on um but anyway i did go through a period where i just didn’t want to do it anymore and it wasn’t uh it wasn’t even being defeated by circumstances or failure or anything it was just why the reasons that i began were no longer relevant anymore and it was like achieving massive financial success didn’t turn out to be what i thought it was going to be and um and then other things happening obviously just kind of catapulted me into really taking a good hard look in the mirror at who i was and who i was becoming and what i really wanted out of this life you know and it wasn’t this mom guilt of like oh and working i’ve been neglecting my kids and i missed out on this and this and this because the reality is the work that i did facilitated a lot of really awesome stuff and it’s actually shaped my children into very independent and hard-working kids so there’s no regret in terms of that and there wasn’t so i was kind of having to look at this of why don’t i feel compelled to do this anymore am i you know am i embarrassed for my failures am i just afraid to fail again and i i have a lot of realizations that have come that i will share with you guys over time on future episodes but what i did is i continued to battle myself my old self and my new self and i just kind of showed up like 50 and and did what i could to make it feel like i was doing something and i tried all these different band-aid solutions like i hired a nanny so that i could work and for a while it was awesome and i just finally had this like time freedom where my brain wasn’t occupied with trying to do everything trying to do everything perfectly um and then we stopped that over the summer and then the fall was just crazy and i just anyway i can’t believe it’s 20 22. there’s there’s a lot of lessons right that happen in our lives when we are living and that’s one thing i will say i have lived a hundred percent um i definitely have not just sat and watched life pass me by even in the trauma even in the pain i’ve been 100 present for it i’ve faced it head on i’ve been honest with myself about what’s happening i’ve been honest you know with my family and and the people who are closest to me i have not tried to bury it or suppress it i’ve definitely faced it and i’ve pushed through it and i’ve learned and i’ve worked through a lot of things that are extremely uncomfortable um so i’m excited to share those life lessons with you and from now on this show is really gonna be it’s like the variety show it’s going to be business it’s going to be marketing it’s going to be motherhood it’s going to be all the things that are extremely important to me that i’ve learned and you guys know i love a good analogy there’s going to be a lot of life lessons packaged into some of these experiences a lot of metaphors so if you’re still here if you’ve been here for the last six years or any amount of time in between there i’m so happy that you are here i’m so happy that you’ve continued to download the show and for me consistency is going to not mean as much you know i started the show five episodes a week and then i went down to one a week and then i took months or even maybe kind of years off of even posting to this podcast and so i’m not even really sure yet if this is gonna be twice a month once a week but i’m in a season right now where business is probably on the bottom rung and i even know that in terms of coaching clients and and business consulting clients that i have a number and it’s not going to exceed 20 for the whole year so that’s that’s a different beginning for me than any other year has been it’s always just been like the most i can do and hustle hard and and make things happen and set big goals and there’s a lot of healing from toxic positivity and kind of some crazy patterns and habits that i used to have and i can’t wait to share all of it with you i cannot wait to share uh all the fun that’s happening along the way too and i’m just i’m excited to like have this platform that i’ve never shut down entirely that i can show up and that we can just kind of pick back up where we left off and i can bring you guys along the way for the journey and hopefully the things that i’ve learned will strengthen you inspire you and you won’t feel alone as you navigate some of the crazy things that come along with being a mother being an entrepreneur or whatever that may be so thanks for being here thanks for tuning in to today’s episode uh go follow me on instagram leave a comment on my last post let me know that you have listened to the episode i would love to have a little bit more connection with you i want to know what’s going on in your life what i can help you with as i take these life lessons and apply them to things that are really going to benefit you thanks for listening and i’ll see you guys on the next episode
[/showhide]
