Think the negative feedback is damaging? What if I told you the positive feedback is just as detrimental to the negative? It’s true! When you build your reality on the feedback of others- good or bad- you are building a house of cards that will eventually fall. You have to own who you are from an internal and positive space- rather than one based on external circumstances and opinions. So- are you ready to ignore the positive feedback when showing up?
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[showhide type=”post” more_text=”Show more…” less_text=”Show less…”] what’s up ladies how are you doing welcome to another episode of the marvelous podcast I hope you’ve been enjoying these episodes I’ve sure enjoyed creating them and I love getting your feedback and talking to you on social media about the content because I know it’s important and it’s impactful and that’s why I’m sharing it so I promised last week that I was going to talk to you about feedback and you know this goes deeper than the analytics of looking at the numbers and and the stuff that we’re seeing you know technically is this piece of content working is it not and I want to go to a deeper level of our personal worth and our self our personal value and our self-worth and this has been kind of a hard one to learn and it’s when you have to keep yourself in check with all the time so before we get into it really need to make sure that we have defined for this the purposes of this show what the ego brain is because I think a lot of times we hear the word ego and we think oh she’s such a big ego or he has such a big ego but do we really know what that term means is it the the level of confidence is it that they are stuck on themselves they’re conceited that’s a lot of times how we define it that’s how we describe people when we say they have a huge ego right but really what it boils down to is this it’s this part of our brain that starts forming it’s this part of our mind our thought processes that really are trying to keep us in the survival mode and we we compile all this information and all these experiences that we’ve gone through in our lives and we sort them and we make sense of them and the ego is like I want to keep you safe I want to keep you in a really good place and I want to make sure that you are progressing and that you are your very best self I don’t want judgment for you I don’t want you to be in pain I don’t want you to be embarrassed I don’t want any of that and so our ego is really for most of us in control this is why we see things and we form stories in our minds and we pass judgment and we make up all of these different theories about why people people are the way they are why things are the way that they are and so when you’re living in a very ego-centered life you are not really in a space of being or feeling you’re really in a place of working in your mind all the time you have constant incessant thoughts and they are really you know controlling the show and they’re controlling the way that you behave you’re also basing a lot of your self-worth and your value and your stories about yourself on the 3d world on the external circumstances on the things outside of you instead of the knowledge and the truth that exists within you that exists really even outside of your body but within your soul within your spirit and so when we do that when we move uh into this ego driven life we feel like there are things we need to control and it’s all external and it’s all they did this to me and I can do no wrong and and I guess even on the flip side sometimes we get into this shaming of ourselves based on what we have or we don’t have or the feedback that we get or don’t get okay so just for the purposes of moving forward with this episode that’s really how I view the ego and how I’ve learned to define it through the things that I’ve learned and studied this year so I have just like everyone else been very very driven by the ego at different times of my life and it really plays into this whole desire to prove something like you got to prove your worth you got to prove your value by doing xyz you have to achieve this big goal you have to show everyone what you’re made of in order to prove that you are special when the truth is you’re already pretty darn special there’s something magical about you there’s something unique about you and no matter what you do no matter how you change things externally it will not change your value and your worth inside of you because you’re created by a loving creator who loves you infinitely and he loves you no matter what you do it’s a true unconditional love and I don’t think a lot of us really fully grasp unconditional love I mean if you’re a parent you’ve probably scratched the surface right but not in the way that I believe that god loves us with this pure unconditional love because we we tend to very easily be swayed by our other emotions the emotions that are triggered by people’s actions their behaviors the things that they say so I have really you know gotten into this and loved it I studied i’ll tell you a couple of books the law of divine compensation I think I’ve talked about here before on the podcast so so good it’s really based on a course in miracles if you’ve never read that then you can pretty much just shortcut it and read the law of divine compensation she covers a lot of it and also a return to love and uh she talks about how love is the thing that allows miracles and wonderful things to flow and fear and anger are the things that block blessings they are the things that block miracles and so I’ve kind of had this like full 180 experience of understanding that just as we don’t want to consider people’s criticisms of who we are you know we want to shut out the bad comments we want to ignore that do you understand how important it is to also not build up your worth your value whether you’re making an impact on the good comments because what happens if you build this house of cards based on like positive feedback and everybody’s really loving what I’m doing and I was a success at that and I made a lot of money with this and and I grew my following today and I did this and this and my email list grew if you’re basing your worth and your achievement on those external things what happens if they go away I’ve done this where I had such a strong identity doing a very specific thing in my life and it was it was significant it was it led me to feel successful it made me feel like I had conquered something I had proven myself I had you know done it I had done it i’d done what so many people would not dare to do and I was so proud of that it wasn’t a narcissistic thing to where I felt like oh my gosh I’m better than everyone it still felt good to get the positive feedback oh my gosh look what you did look at how you’ve accomplished this look at how many people you’ve helped oh wow look at you look at you look at you none of us I mean yes it’s a little uncomfortable to receive praise I definitely experience that when it comes to certain talents that I share it’s super uncomfortable but it most of the time feels really good to be acknowledged to give to be given positive feedback we get that from our parents we get that from people we respect from people we love and it’s it’s great you know we learn how to behave but we start to mold our behavior based on the feedback that we get and a lot of times that’s just that’s the ego helping us to survive like I said in the beginning so a child who gets positive feedback for making good choices is going to continue to make those good choices they’re going to start to identify as a person who makes great choices and a child who gets negative feedback when they’re doing things they shouldn’t do is going to continue well they’re going to hopefully avoid doing those things and if they don’t they’re going to start to identify as a troublemaker a kid who always makes mistakes somebody who just can’t quite figure things out so we do that we we start to identify and we start to put on all these different layers of the ego as we go through life and where it becomes detrimental is as we get older we’re still continuing to do that we’re basing our value and our personal worth on did they like that did they give me positive feedback what if I got no feedback at all does that mean that it was a disaster so just as dangerous it is to give too much power to the negative stuff we can’t give power to the positive and the funny ironic thing is I remember reading this like four years ago and I just didn’t get it I was like what but if you’re making a positive impact like you should take that you deserve that you earned that and I get it now I get it because I I allowed myself to get wrapped up in the positive feedback and I felt how I crashed and burned when it stopped when that identity layer was stripped away when it was removed I had an identity crisis and I was like but I don’t know who I am I don’t know how to continue to be this when I don’t have this so we do this and so while we’ve spent a few episodes talking about really not allowing ourselves to go into the rabbit hole of negative feedback because it holds us back from creating I find it very important to share with you that you cannot get on the opposite end of the spectrum either because what you do who you are meant to be and what you are meant to create in this world and the value of that cannot be it cannot be quantified by anything external whether that be an uplifting comment or a negative one because the minute you start to give your power away to other people and you base your value and your worth on their approval positive or negative then you are unable to continue to grow outside of the ego mind and to really understand the power within you you have an insane power within you you have things that you’re meant to create in this world you have a purpose for being here and when you get too caught up in the feedback then you stall your growth okay is that making sense I hope that makes sense and I you know I know it is nice to hear the positive feedback it is nice to know that we are making an impact in people’s lives and that can fuel you to keep doing more on a hard day like it’s it’s hard to show up consistently it is i’ll give you that but where that drive has to come from it has to come from something internal and it can be dangerous let me just break this down for you a while ago ben and I were talking my husband ben and I were talking about business and my role and what I wanted to do moving forward because I had really been in this place in our life where I was working a lot and I was bringing in a lot of money and I was you know an entrepreneur mom and I found a pretty good balance with that I felt really fulfilled doing all of the things and wearing the hats we were at this point where like is that what I want anymore do I want to do that and I felt this this really really confusing emotion of uh when ben asked me this question he said um if you I I started to tell i’d started to tell ben what I wanted to do and he said why do you want to do that and I said because I just feel really like jazzed up about it and I feel like it’s what I’m meant to do and he’s like why do you feel like you’re meant to do it based on what and I said well this person and this person and this person always said this to me and they told me like I’m such a powerhouse and I mean this and I do this and I impact people in this way and he’s like no no do you want to do it even if people weren’t telling you that you’re good at it even if you didn’t have this external expectation to match up to he’s like do you really want to do it or you want to do it because you want to prove people right so a lot of times we’re motivated by doing things to motive to prove people wrong what about when you want to prove people right and that was the first time I was like oh all of those wonderful things people have said to me like you’re a powerhouse you’re such an inspiring person you’re a born leader you need to use your voice well is that absolute truth or is that their truth is there positive feedback taking me down a path that I’m not meant to be on right now is am I trying to match up with that level of praise instead of allowing myself to be authentically where I need to be right now am I showing up and creating a business because so many people tell me I should that I’m good at it that I’m you know a great teacher or should I be building that because I feel like it’s the right thing for me to do right now and I’m in full alignment so it caught me by surprise and I kind of gave him the answer that I would have given before but I found it really bothered me because I and I couldn’t let it go and I was really starting to second-guess myself like you know I don’t like for a split second there I imagine not doing anything I imagine not having a business what would that look like because I have been telling the story for so long that I’m an entrepreneur mom I have this podcast I do these things what if I didn’t and I realized there has been this thing I’m holding on to this fear of like oh the world would end like what would even be the point wouldn’t I be a sellout I’ve been telling women for years that they can do anything that they want and everything they want and what if I just stop that would be so hypocritical but then I realized actually I’m being hypocritical right now because if my heart and my gut are telling me that it’s okay to pull back and put my attention and energy somewhere else and I’m going against that because I’m trying to prove something then I’m completely out of alignment and it’s not gonna work out it’s not where I’m meant to be right now and I am a hypocrite for doing something that does not feel right to me even if that something means doing nothing which was so confusing to my brain and so that’s you know what led into there’s a big period of time of just kind of just doing nothing um I’ve I fully leaned into like I’m just gonna like keep my house clean I’m gonna get really orderly I’m gonna get really organized and it turned into this obsession and a different way of like okay now I have to be super mom super wife and it didn’t work out well because I was still trying to put that like crazy action taking effort into that instead of allowing myself to just be allowing myself to be in this present I don’t have to prove anything I don’t have to meet expectations I still placed expectations on myself based on all the stories and the feedback I have been getting my entire life so I hope this is making sense I hope it’s brought awareness to you of how truly important it is to create what you were meant to create do what you’re meant to do and not allow positive or negative feedback to impact what you do and how you show up in any way be aware of it and consciously create your life in spite of the feedback and I promise you you’ll feel more fulfilled and you will not have a house of cards that is likely to crumble at any time thank you guys for listening I hope you have a wonderful day we’ll see you on the next episode you know at some point we have to make personal development personal and that is what I’m helping you to do inside the shift program go check it out right now Kirsten Tyrrel dot com forward slash shift because I’m going to teach you how small little tweaks and changes can lead to massive positive outcomes in your business and in your life again go to Kirstentyrel.com forward slash shift and i’ll see you in there. 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